Bet You Can’t See This One Coming

(Vaughn do not read this one)

Wow!
Okay.
Heard a lot of stories last night but this one pretty much topped them all.  It started when someone called up their friend Phil to wish him happy new year.  Phil apparently lives somewhere far away so he couldn’t make it to the party.  I don’t know anything about Phil, I just hear his voice coming through the phone as the person he’s talking to has put it on speaker phone so I can listen in.

And Phil begins his New Years Eve Story.

Phil: See, this was back when I was sixteen or seventeen.  Yeah, I was sixteen.  It was New Years Eve and I was at a party with my girlfriend, Cher.  A little before midnight we went upstairs to this room so we could be alone. And we’re laying on the bed kissing, and talking, gazing into each others eyes.  It was this amazing moment, because she was the first serious girlfriend I had, and the first girl that I fell in love with who I had also had sex with.  I was completely overwhelmed, just feeling so great, laying there looking into her eyes.

So I said “I’m completely in love with you.  I’ve never been this in love with anyone.”

And she said “I think we should see other people.”

At this point there are many “Awww”‘s and “poor Phil”s and “that’s rough man” coming from myself and the other person listening to this story coming out of the phone.  We continue to commiserate with Phil as he goes on to wrap up his story.

Phil: So a few minutes later it’s midnight and everyone at the party is hooting and hollering, cheering, lighting off fireworks, kissing and singing.  I’m standing out on the porch screaming to the heavens “Why did you do this to me?” Literally just yelling as loud as I can.  “Why?”  I just can’t believe it of course because I thought Cher felt the same way.  Then I look over and see her standing with some people, one of which is her best friend Steve.  So I walk over, grab Steve, bring him upstairs, and fuck him.

(Sound of a record needle scratch) My response: Wait, what?!  Did you just say that you took her best friend Steve upstairs and had sex with him?

Phil: Yeah!  I was really pissed at her.

At this point the conversation is just us laughing and saying holy crap, what a story, you really fucked her best friend, etc.

Phil laughing: Yeah, I did.  We ended up getting back together though two weeks later.

Wait, what?  They got back together?!

Phil continues: We got back together a couple of weeks later and we went out to this party.  While we were there we picked up this other guy, took him home and had a threesome with him.  But while we were fooling around she noticed that I was paying way more attention to him then to her.  So she stops, gets up and says “Um…it’s seems like you’re more into him then me, do you want me to just leave you guys alone?”  And I just look directly at her and say “Yeah.”  So she left and I never saw her again.   Hahaahahaha. Payback.

Wait, so they got back together and then he ditched her during a threesome?

And that was the end of the best New Year’s Story I heard last night.  Definitely didn’t see any of that coming.

Bet you didn’t either.